Romance?

I tend to be a "hard ass" when it comes to relationships. I tell others, without much thought, to break it off with their partners when all they do is complain about them.

I'm the biggest closet romantic, and my head spins and my heart melts for a certain type of girl. I love a girl who is distraught, broken, abused, ruined, self destructive, and so on...

They're terrible for me, I know, for more than one reason but I don't give lots of thought to it once I've been sucked in. I've come a long way since I was a teenager and couldn't control myself, but still I have some things to finish off. I'm not so sure this emotional/psychological/spiritual thing I have for said girls will ever be completely absent. I'm not sure that it's absolutely bad or absolutely good, but instead some kind of muddled empathy or longing. This longing may simply be for something familiar and comfortable. Growing up in the broken home that I did, maybe this brokenness is what my nature has come to familiarize and find comfort in. Girls do it in this way; I don't think it's too crazy to say it's possible for a guy as well.

I always wanted to save these damsels in distress growing up. I painted myself out to be their knight in shining armor and always imagined that if I could only get them to see how they should be properly loved then they would turn. They would magically find their God-given self worth in the love that I provided them and we'd live happily ever after. It took some time to come to the realization that this sort of fairy tale is exactly that--a fairy tale. This truth is something I find exceptionally difficult to accept and adapt to, but I do my best. As there are with any category of people, so there are the exceptions in this instance. Unfortunately, they are few and far between.

Sometimes tears well up behind my eyes while my chest grows heavy and my throat closes a little. I am at a loss for words and actions.


Let's get back to earth; take a deep breath.