1/14/10

I want to hold you hold you hold you... warming you with my arms pulling you against me, not letting go and trying to think that you really are mine for the moment... hoping like I have never hoped before that this will be over sooner than even YOU think... knowing very well that I'm putting my hopes so high that a fall from here might very well kill them, destroy them, abolish them... but I find you worth it as of now, from this view of things, so I'll stick to... I want to kiss you all the while, softly, lovingly, and when my flesh touches yours it will be devoid of vacant and depreciating lust... Rather, I will have love to guide my hands and my lips in lines, strokes, circles and in embrace... I will chase after the ethereal love that God has for you and I, in my own actions toward you... He will set my paradigm and I will do my best to follow... I still worry very much that my heart will grow colder than it ever has, but I love you, Ashley Renee. My heart breaks daily when others use and dispense of you in a disgusting way behind the guise of flattering words and friendly conversation... I'm holding my position as best I can. I believe at this point, I love you more than you love yourself because I am at a breaking point... I've reached critical mass, but you have not. You continue with the false notion that this is all you CAN do when it is not. I told you I would push and fight, even with you, for what is best for you, and this is it. I am not playing passive anymore because I see you for your true value in the eyes of the most wonderful God, Jesus Christ, who died for your life... your babies' lives. I pray you will be afforded a view from over here because once you do see things this way, once you realize that you are working to lose, being robbed blind each and every time you step into that little white box, losing more in 15 minutes than you'll ever be able to earn... and then... then I promise you your choice will be easy and this current option will no longer be considered... You are precious and priceless. You are wonderful, and you are loved greatly... tremendously. I love you, and I hope you understand how much and why very very soon... < 3