Say Hi to Daddy...

Sweetheart, I dreamt of you just the other day.
I've been having very vivid dreams, so lively.

Anyway... I was in Target, the one in Cypress, with my buddy James and another fella who I can no longer remember picking up a gift for someone's birthday. I was walking through and past the men's section to the back of the store, and there you were.
Even now as I recall days later, it's fresh and alive as can be; it's rough.
Dressed in your red and khaki with your little name tag. We stopped and just kind of stared at each other for a moment or two before I reached out to hug you. Good Lord, my heart was racing racing racing. My breath was gone, but I squeezed a small exchange out. You said that you'd be around and that we'd see each other again after the boys walked away. I hugged you so damn tight with my cheek pressed into your neck. We parted just a bit, but I did not want to let you go. My hands slipped to your waist before I kissed you on the cheek. Another I gave, but this time I caught the corner of your mouth as you rested your hands on my arms gently. A quick turn of the head and looking at one another came before a true solid kiss. Oh your lips, your lips, I missed them...
We parted slowly and stepped back with eyes welling. We promised we'd see each other again.
Next thing I know, we're paying for our things. I'm last of the three, and as the cashier begins to ring me up, there you are again. Beautiful little Kait and Kaleb at your side. They've gotten so big I thought. I think this time, seeing the babies, was even heavier for me. My legs were gone and the air was knocked out of me. There you are with the baby in your hands, holding her up to me and saying, "Say hi to your daddy." Ooomph. I couldn't hold her, so we all walked over to a table in the snack area while the fellas walked to the car. Even now this is a difficult recollection to live through...
I kissed Big K, little K... how beautiful beautiful beautiful they were.
I took your beautiful little face in my hands, grazing my fingertips over your cheek and behind your ear... stroking the skin softly with my thumb.
I had to go, but yes yes, we will see each other again. I missed you, sweetheart, and I love you more than life itself. I have to go.
I ran outside fearing I'd been left behind, all the while looking back at you looking back at me through the storefront with these beautiful little children at your side... waving those small precious hands back and forth.
Today I see this in slow motion, and it is a dreadfully heartbreaking thing to see. I caught the car as they were pulling away, and away we went... waking me from my sleep.

Thinking of it now, it is more dificult than when I had first lived it.
I looked at your picture today, and I saw very clearly again your face in my mind.
I saw the long upper lip that hung with supple beauty when you stared at me in the dim light. I cannot shake that scene, my dear; your stare, the way you stared, just burned a hole straight through my soul, and I do not imagine forgetting it. It was dark there, and the blue light from the overcast day peeked through the curtains just enough for me to focus on your sublime face and the stare, oh this stare, that you branded me with. Your hand rested on my cheek, o' how I loved that feeling of your tiny little hand against my face, and you craned your neck just a bit. Your beautiful little face and those gems for eyes looked up at me framed by your splayed out hair, framed by a soft, fluffy white pillow. I laid there on top of you, legs wrapped around me, so absolutely astonished by this gaze in your eye. I had never ever seen such a thing, and to this day I don't imagine seeing much anything else close to it.

I suppose it doesn't hurt as much anymore, but when I recall these images and these touches of you, I still fall apart a good bit. I have never had such a wonderful little gift... never ever, and never did I think it would be taken from me like it was.

God help me.