If...

The anxiety is piling on and it's only day one.
I've got no outlet tonight... of all nights.
I am tired and my shoulders are killing me.
My blood pressure is on the fritz lately, and I'm praying it's just because of salty foods. I'm supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow and follow up on that and on the bronchitis I had. This is no good.
I could really go for a talk with you tonight... I really could.
This might be the most difficult night for me yet.
I never need support because I am strong and sturdy, but tonight I do. Unfortunately, tonight I cannot have you. Tonight, like other nights, you are not mine.
I am sad. Yes, me, Raul... I am sad.
Maybe I'll go and cry it out or something, this whole anxiety thing and the mine/not mine thing; toss off the tough guy for a little while and just break.
I'm not used to this. These feelings of weakness are foreign.
There you are, but not for me.
My stomach turns.
Yes, this is the most difficult night yet. This is not an easy fight.