Hope for Remain

My heart is heavy heavy heavy with question upon question.
I hope it's all still there.
I hope your ears are still open.
I hope your heart is still open,
most importantly,
to the wonderful God Who has brought you here today.
I thought my words were coming from the same place they were months ago,
but yesterday you loved them
while today you despise them...
or so it seems.
So, I question myself and my source.
Am I poisoning the well?
I know I don't always talk so gracefully,
but I'm speaking the same thing.
I'm still sharing God's promises with you and the revelation He's shared with me.
I hope you realize that these are my most prized possessions.
They are of far greater value than a few pizzas,
a few coats,
a couple hundred dollars,
or a plane ticket.
God's wisdom is the greatest gift I can share with you,
so please understand when I am puzzled and I have all sorts of inquiries about why it has such a bad taste these days.
I know you are tired.
I know you are busy,
but do not forget your God.
You can never be too busy to make time for Him;
I tell you the truth.
Remember how Jesus would go pray just before His death and the disciples would fall asleep? Jesus never let them sleep when this happened; He woke them up as soon as He saw them and told them to not grow weary. God is our rest and our reserve of strength. It is by Him that we persevere and do not grow tired, mentally, physically and spiritually.
I love you, and I am imperfect in that. I really do try, and I really like to think that God's helped me a whole bunch in the past few beautiful months of my life. I still fudge things up a bunch though, I know. I'm not perfect, but it's no excuse.
I will try harder; I will seek God more fervently, and I will share with you what I find.
I only pray pray pray... like I did this morning up at the altar... that your heart stays open to He Who does love you perfectly.
Remember that I am an imperfect vessel, a work in progress just like you.
I am not always going to reflect my God properly, but just because the reflection in the mirror is awful, that doesn't mean the subject reflected is what's awful.
It's me, the mirror, who needs to be cleaned up.
I'm only trying to help and push you because you said that's what you wanted.
You asked why on earth would you not want someone to push you towards the best expectations. I smiled greatly that day.
I am sorry if I have failed you in showing you proper love; I know I have a bad track record with that one... hard as I try to specifically model that very thing: LOVE.
I study and focus on it daily, meditate and pick apart.
I question the motives that lie behind my actions, behind each and every step I take.
I look for love because without it, everything else is to the wind.
Still, I fail on a daily basis, and I thank God wholeheartedly for His unending grace.
I just hope you don't walk away from me... that you do not walk away from Him... more than anything else, do not forget Him and learn to accept what He's got for you even if you don't like it. Know that He knows... better.
If you think you know His nature and what He's got for you, think once more and then stop and listen to Him. Stop thinking actually, and listen to what He has to say. He told Moses to just be still and know, know that He Is God.
Stop thinking that you'll find true fulfillment and genuine self confidence in being accepted by meager people. You won't. This is the stuff that only God gives out.
Stop running after man's approval because it will get you nowhere you want to be, nowhere God's got you to be. If you think you know what self confidence is, I promise you that until you've gone after God like you go after someone you can physically see... someone you care about so deeply, like your children say, and build a relationship... build integrity and obedience to His will... until then, I say, you do not and have not known. He's got the good stuff, but it's not passed out as much as His grace. This is the stuff we have to go after Him for, and we better run hard.

I'm telling you from experience. I've lived it and I've searched for that confidence and nowhere nowhere nowhere in the world did I find it until I got close to God.
I had to toss a lot of junk out of my life, and even though I grew up in church from the day I was born, I knew nothing. I thought I had it down when I finally decided to give my life to Christ, and as I got closer and closer to my Maker everything I thought was true, everything I thought I knew, was demolished... upended... uprooted... tossed aside. I read my bible, and I listened in the daily chapels. All that, and I didn't begin to really learn until I actually went after God... months and years after my initial surrender. My life changed because I changed my life... with His help and by His direction of course.
So here's what I've got: life experience and wisdom taken from the Source.
I hope you'll see what an asset they have been to me. I remember you used to wonder why I loved you like I do. Well, maybe you still do, but you don't ask anymore. Maybe I suck that bad these days and it really isn't such a wonder how I do what I do. Gosh, I hope not. Anyway, I told you before and I will tell you forever that it is only a God-given capacity that allows me to function in this way. This is beyond me, fueled by a God Who embodies Love itself.
I remember when I would share His Word with you; I remember when you would read to me daily from that collection of letters... excited and elated at what page God turned you to that day... one two three entries at a time. Goodness, you were so happy.
I remember how elated that made me, the fact that you were soaking up God's love and His promises for you life when it came to deliverance and healing. Those were the things that broke the bondage and trumped the lies that the devil had filled your head with for so long. God is He Who pulled you from the mire.
Today I'm sharing with you the same stuff, the same goods, only it's a different page, a different entry... something more fitting for this newfound position you find yourself in today.
I hope you come to love this gift just the same.
I hope you understand that God's grace is so absolutely wonderful and free, but He still asks of us. I hope you don't grow to despise these gifts that I'm trying to share with you.
Remember, these are my most prized possessions, sweetheart and I don't share them with everyone. That's part of the gift, using discretion when deciding who to share it with.
I hold these revelations and these teachings so dear to my heart and so focal in my life because God has given them to me and they have proven to be true and good regardless of what I thought when I began receiving them. I didn't buy them, and I didn't make them.
They came from God and I hope and pray with all of my now warm heart that you accept them with that in mind, Who it is they really come from.
Please, dear, open your heart and know that I only want to share my most prized possessions and learnings with you. Please please please, know this.
I loved you in very dark times, and I still do.
We've seen the sunshine, we have.
We've overcome some nasty things, some bad times.
I only hope that when the sun really breaks through, you don't go and run into the shade. I'm here still.
My hand is stretched out just like it always has been.
You've taken it before, and I really hope you'll take it again.
God will take your other hand if you will let Him, and I hope even more that you take His... He can take you places that I never could, but I want to go to those places too. Maybe the three of us can go together.
Bring the babies, please; they have to see this as well... if for nothing else, let this trip be taken on their behalf.

I'm so sorry for the foolishness.
I really do not like to be so childish, and God's working in my life this very day on these sorts of things, I know.

I love you with all of my imperfect heart... just the same and even more than I did months ago. It was good enough a few months ago... even just a month ago... I hope it still means the same; I hope it still holds the same value in your eyes.
I hope you are mindful of that, and I do hope that I can do a better job at it in the future if you'll let me... Let me?

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