I had the worst dream to date this morning/last night...
I'm not even going to put it down and hope I forget the details.

The funny thing... once I get back to sleep, I have one of the most pleasant dreams of you. We were lying down in bed, and I was holding you. You were happy and playful. Smiling like you did before... loving on me and loving when I loved on you.
The weird thing was that your parents were in another bed in the same room. It was as if we were in a hotel room with two queens.

Anyway... there we laid and there we laughed quietly so as not to wake them... smiled and kissed.
I remember how amazing it felt to hold you again. My heart was warm and at rest, but your skin was warmer; it was softer.
Amazing.

God, I miss that smile...

Then, of course, I woke up...
This is quite the ride.

O dreams...

A few days ago I had one of those bad mornings... waking up at 4 or 5 only to toss and turn for almost an hour before I got back to sleep for another hour which was riddled another of those painful dreams.
I dreamt of you again... my typical theme as of late.

God, I miss you...

We were in my grandma Louise's old house, the one that has since been sold and torn down for the purpose of an empty lot for some years and then turning into some generic industrial building. Anyway...
There we were, together. I was elated that I had you. We were there together.
I don't know why the setting was what it was or what sort of significance it might have had, but there was a lot of history to that house and my family. That was probably the only "safe" or consistent setting I had in my life throughout my hectic childhood...

Once again, there we are. I came in from the kitchen, through the dining room, and there you were on the living room floor, lying in front of the television with your lap top. Come to find out, you're there. You're on.
You said it was no big deal... You said I needed to relax because you weren't there anywhere near as much anymore. It was ok because it was only seldom that you were on.
I walked over and shut the computer closed, yanked it from your grip and broke it... threw it on the floor with all my strength and my hurt and pummeled it to pieces.

As I finished, I woke up...
I was pretty drained for the whole day.