Showing posts with label pictures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pictures. Show all posts
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
I Miss You...
To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?
I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you...
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?
I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you...
Friday, July 9, 2010
Something Beautiful...
In your ocean I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
I can't figure out
No, I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your wave crashes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown
Will you let me drown
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful
And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side
No I can't leave your side
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I'm in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful
Friday, July 2, 2010
Put it out there; get rid of it.
I remember a remark you made once concerning my writing and my expression.
You said something about my writing always being so sad and somber.
I'm sorry for that. Over the years, I've realized that my expression in writing, especially in places like this, these silly online blogs or journals or diaries... whatever you want to call them... that they have become dumping grounds mostly.
When I was young I wrote much of my spiritual exploits and my lessons learned. It's sort of neat to look back at those entries and see where I was and what I was thinking at the time, little bits and pieces of my life earlier to give some sort of insight or marking point in my growth as an individual.
Today, these little blogs don't serve the same purpose, as you can tell. My writing has become dark and cynical, surely. It's all due to life lived and introspection galore.
I kind of likened it to this: I'm patient, and I do believe in facing things head on... difficult things that would otherwise drive me up the wall and back down. This writing has been my method my disconnection or my letting go rather of certain things. I have put things that I wanted to get past here: terrible things that have happened to me, things that weigh so absolutely heavy on my heart, thoughts and doubts in my mind that I know will do a bad thing should they be left to bounce around and dwell inside of my skull... things that make me sad mostly, burdens I cannot bear alone.
We had our time, we did, that was just so pleasant regardless of any conflict or secrets revealed. I never wrote about that until now, you know... all these wonderful little things we had.
Back to my point about what I've likened this to...
These things that weigh heavy on me for whatever reason they do, I've always wanted to be done with them... be away with them, and this is the place where I kind of left them. It's been this vast, endless field where I can just chuck my junk as far as I can throw it... and I did, I do... I will probably keep doing it.
The beautiful, the lovely things... things like you and the love that was there, those things I never wanted to put down because I wanted to hold onto them myself. I never trusted a stupid little blog that could be wiped clean in a moment to hold my most wonderful and precious memories. I could never expect it to contain the happiness that my heart could, so I never wrote about it. I never expressed enough, I suppose, how absolutely happy I was. I was elated... it was all ethereal.
It left me in awe in the most beautiful of ways... I didn't want to let it go. I didn't want it to escape me, and it never did as you'll see now in my detailed writings...
The valve has been opened, and it's all just pouring out now because I don't think I can contain these once beautiful things anymore... not if you're not around anyway.
I'm sorry I was not more vocal about how happy I was.
I really was happier than I may have ever been... other than maybe once or twice, and both of those other occurrences involved God Himself, so I'd say that's not bad company to have there...
I had the world, and I didn't talk about it too much because I wanted to hold onto it myself. I was afraid of being robbed of such memories and experiences... that you all intertwined in them. These most precious precious things were my very very valuable treasure...
I can't even stay awake anymore.. I'm passing out.
I wish I were in Savannah again...
You said something about my writing always being so sad and somber.
I'm sorry for that. Over the years, I've realized that my expression in writing, especially in places like this, these silly online blogs or journals or diaries... whatever you want to call them... that they have become dumping grounds mostly.
When I was young I wrote much of my spiritual exploits and my lessons learned. It's sort of neat to look back at those entries and see where I was and what I was thinking at the time, little bits and pieces of my life earlier to give some sort of insight or marking point in my growth as an individual.
Today, these little blogs don't serve the same purpose, as you can tell. My writing has become dark and cynical, surely. It's all due to life lived and introspection galore.
I kind of likened it to this: I'm patient, and I do believe in facing things head on... difficult things that would otherwise drive me up the wall and back down. This writing has been my method my disconnection or my letting go rather of certain things. I have put things that I wanted to get past here: terrible things that have happened to me, things that weigh so absolutely heavy on my heart, thoughts and doubts in my mind that I know will do a bad thing should they be left to bounce around and dwell inside of my skull... things that make me sad mostly, burdens I cannot bear alone.
We had our time, we did, that was just so pleasant regardless of any conflict or secrets revealed. I never wrote about that until now, you know... all these wonderful little things we had.
Back to my point about what I've likened this to...
These things that weigh heavy on me for whatever reason they do, I've always wanted to be done with them... be away with them, and this is the place where I kind of left them. It's been this vast, endless field where I can just chuck my junk as far as I can throw it... and I did, I do... I will probably keep doing it.
The beautiful, the lovely things... things like you and the love that was there, those things I never wanted to put down because I wanted to hold onto them myself. I never trusted a stupid little blog that could be wiped clean in a moment to hold my most wonderful and precious memories. I could never expect it to contain the happiness that my heart could, so I never wrote about it. I never expressed enough, I suppose, how absolutely happy I was. I was elated... it was all ethereal.
It left me in awe in the most beautiful of ways... I didn't want to let it go. I didn't want it to escape me, and it never did as you'll see now in my detailed writings...
The valve has been opened, and it's all just pouring out now because I don't think I can contain these once beautiful things anymore... not if you're not around anyway.
I'm sorry I was not more vocal about how happy I was.
I really was happier than I may have ever been... other than maybe once or twice, and both of those other occurrences involved God Himself, so I'd say that's not bad company to have there...
I had the world, and I didn't talk about it too much because I wanted to hold onto it myself. I was afraid of being robbed of such memories and experiences... that you all intertwined in them. These most precious precious things were my very very valuable treasure...
I can't even stay awake anymore.. I'm passing out.
I wish I were in Savannah again...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I remember walking around in the middle of the night... 30 something, 40 something degrees... wearing a pair of gym shorts just for a bottle of apple juice. I think I was more satisfied with just getting it for you than you were to quench your thirst. You slept so peacefully, and you looked so beautiful when I got back...
I remember sitting in the comfy chair while you slept, eating leftover wings from Sticky Fingers quietly so I wouldn't wake you. You looked beautiful then as well...
I'm sorry I didn't wake up the one night and move over... I'm sorry.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
February '10
It's another cold morning without contrast.
Nothing pale and hot to the touch here in my bed.
Only a wildly vivid sunrise providing no heat.
There's only cold here today,
and I don't provide much beauty.
All I can do is look to the horizon at this beautiful painting of wispy clouds...
50/50 bar orange and white...
pastel blues...
the glowing red of cooling magma...
and the clouds?
These are lined with GOLD.
Honestly I prefer a much different scene.
I'd rather the cold tones of overcast light trickling into a dark room,
white against white.
Brown over blue.
Everything is painted so lightly by the cold blue brush of this sky.
The eyes are greeted with cold everywhere,
but the touch of my cold fingertips is nearly scalded.
She is past warm.
Although I am afforded this grandeur scene of creation...
Although I am kissed on one side by a sublime God given, life giving light of six thousand degrees strong...
Although I am kissed on the other cheek by a crisp breeze travelling 440 feet a minute,
a breeze that I have loved loved loved for as long as I can recall...
I would rather squint in that dark room again,
strain my eyes.
This white canvas of linen tinted the color of cold dead skin presents something in direct contrast.
Look hard enough, not like I have to, and there is beauty here.
Here she is.
Swaddled with limbs tangled between the cool cotton.
Everything in this room looks cold, including her skin,
but I am close enough to reach out and touch her.
So I will.
So I did.
This is perhaps the most warming ninety-eighty point seven degrees I have ever felt.
... I have ever experienced.
Though she has not awaken,
though she does not even realize that SHE is being touched,
she has touched me.
Sure, getting close might make me uncomfortable,
but I have willed past discomfort and complacency.
Though fear and distrust grab and swipe at my back and heels, I push closer.
Closer.
Close must I get to touch your warm creamy skin.
Closer and closer still do I wish.
I do not simply want to touch.
I want to press.
Flesh against flesh.
I seek to press against and and press in,
underneath your skin.
touching the epidermis from top to bottom.
From beneath and on top of.
I long to BECOME your skin,
and you become mine.
Fingers tied into one another.
Chests pressed.
Breath mixed.
Eyes and their gaze lost together in this tunnel that only you and I may enter.
Together.
One skin made from two.
Let God be praised with patience.
As you are restored by our Maker.
As I put away childish things...
I look forward to this beautiful intersection.
I patiently wait for this future expression,
not shallow and meaningless recreation,
but this ultimate fruition,
the pinnacle of an expedition,
of our love...
Storge.
Philia.
Eros.
intertwined and bound together by an ethereal love, THE Love:
Agape.
... by The Dove, The Lion, and The Lamb.
I pray that I am still here in the poorly lit room,
lying on the white sheets washed clean by a blood without blemish.
I pray I am here for the unveiling of this new creation in you.
This GRAND GRAND opening.
The curtains that keep light refrained will be torn, and the sun will shine through to kiss you, to kiss me.
To kiss the one we have become.
We will stand before God;
we will lie before our God in Spirit and Body.
Naked body.
... and there will be no shame.
We will explicate this flawless design of pairing with worship of
mind, heart, spirit, body.
We shall melt, meld, mesh and our lines of separation will be obscured before they become of no existence.
This love will resound, resonate and reverberate...
because it is pure and it is by God and God alone.
I love you because He loves me.
Because He loves you.
So run, my love.
Run towards Him, and we will come together as we come to Him.
He is the only adhesive that is permanent.
He is the only thing that might create a true bond and mix.
This covenant will be true and will not be broken.
The blood shed to signify and bind this came two millenia hence, but it is as fresh as ever.
Its power always unstoppable, unmoveable.
The perfect lays waste to the imperfect.
God's glory shines through.
... and there we are:
you, God, I.
Never once have I wanted as much to lie down in this cold and dark room.
I cannot wait.
I shall wait.
You are worthy of patient and gentle love.
Your value is beyond measure.
Waiting simply makes the most sense.
... waiting for such a marvelous miraculous display of love really is no problem.
It is a pleasure and delight,
for better pleasure and delight.
Atop a pure and Holy bedding,
after some wedding...
marked by a time of crisp breezes and trees shedding...
I really do hope to see this day.
I really do hope to live this day.
I really do hope for us this day.
I love you. I love you.
O precious and beautiful gift from God.
I love you...
<3
Nothing pale and hot to the touch here in my bed.
Only a wildly vivid sunrise providing no heat.
There's only cold here today,
and I don't provide much beauty.
All I can do is look to the horizon at this beautiful painting of wispy clouds...
50/50 bar orange and white...
pastel blues...
the glowing red of cooling magma...
and the clouds?
These are lined with GOLD.
Honestly I prefer a much different scene.
I'd rather the cold tones of overcast light trickling into a dark room,
white against white.
Brown over blue.
Everything is painted so lightly by the cold blue brush of this sky.
The eyes are greeted with cold everywhere,
but the touch of my cold fingertips is nearly scalded.
She is past warm.
Although I am afforded this grandeur scene of creation...
Although I am kissed on one side by a sublime God given, life giving light of six thousand degrees strong...
Although I am kissed on the other cheek by a crisp breeze travelling 440 feet a minute,
a breeze that I have loved loved loved for as long as I can recall...
I would rather squint in that dark room again,
strain my eyes.
This white canvas of linen tinted the color of cold dead skin presents something in direct contrast.
Look hard enough, not like I have to, and there is beauty here.
Here she is.
Swaddled with limbs tangled between the cool cotton.
Everything in this room looks cold, including her skin,
but I am close enough to reach out and touch her.
So I will.
So I did.
This is perhaps the most warming ninety-eighty point seven degrees I have ever felt.
... I have ever experienced.
Though she has not awaken,
though she does not even realize that SHE is being touched,
she has touched me.
Sure, getting close might make me uncomfortable,
but I have willed past discomfort and complacency.
Though fear and distrust grab and swipe at my back and heels, I push closer.
Closer.
Close must I get to touch your warm creamy skin.
Closer and closer still do I wish.
I do not simply want to touch.
I want to press.
Flesh against flesh.
I seek to press against and and press in,
underneath your skin.
touching the epidermis from top to bottom.
From beneath and on top of.
I long to BECOME your skin,
and you become mine.
Fingers tied into one another.
Chests pressed.
Breath mixed.
Eyes and their gaze lost together in this tunnel that only you and I may enter.
Together.
One skin made from two.
Let God be praised with patience.
As you are restored by our Maker.
As I put away childish things...
I look forward to this beautiful intersection.
I patiently wait for this future expression,
not shallow and meaningless recreation,
but this ultimate fruition,
the pinnacle of an expedition,
of our love...
Storge.
Philia.
Eros.
intertwined and bound together by an ethereal love, THE Love:
Agape.
... by The Dove, The Lion, and The Lamb.
I pray that I am still here in the poorly lit room,
lying on the white sheets washed clean by a blood without blemish.
I pray I am here for the unveiling of this new creation in you.
This GRAND GRAND opening.
The curtains that keep light refrained will be torn, and the sun will shine through to kiss you, to kiss me.
To kiss the one we have become.
We will stand before God;
we will lie before our God in Spirit and Body.
Naked body.
... and there will be no shame.
We will explicate this flawless design of pairing with worship of
mind, heart, spirit, body.
We shall melt, meld, mesh and our lines of separation will be obscured before they become of no existence.
This love will resound, resonate and reverberate...
because it is pure and it is by God and God alone.
I love you because He loves me.
Because He loves you.
So run, my love.
Run towards Him, and we will come together as we come to Him.
He is the only adhesive that is permanent.
He is the only thing that might create a true bond and mix.
This covenant will be true and will not be broken.
The blood shed to signify and bind this came two millenia hence, but it is as fresh as ever.
Its power always unstoppable, unmoveable.
The perfect lays waste to the imperfect.
God's glory shines through.
... and there we are:
you, God, I.
Never once have I wanted as much to lie down in this cold and dark room.
I cannot wait.
I shall wait.
You are worthy of patient and gentle love.
Your value is beyond measure.
Waiting simply makes the most sense.
... waiting for such a marvelous miraculous display of love really is no problem.
It is a pleasure and delight,
for better pleasure and delight.
Atop a pure and Holy bedding,
after some wedding...
marked by a time of crisp breezes and trees shedding...
I really do hope to see this day.
I really do hope to live this day.
I really do hope for us this day.
I love you. I love you.
O precious and beautiful gift from God.
I love you...
<3
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Unedited
Today, I'm pretty much just bummed out... sitting here, editing pictures.
Today I just remember how I would sit and edit, wondering which ones you'd like best.
I'd open skype up and just show you all of them anyway...
I never let anyone else see everything I took unedited, you know that?
You got everything from me...
Everything.
I don't want to be callous. I don't want to be cold, but I hate sitting here like this in tears...
You were hands down the most beautiful thing I had ever held, and the burden I carried for you all those months made me stronger and more sturdy than ever.
I wake up lately, not sad, not happy... but something else.
I hate it, but it's either this or sadness again... like it is today.
... and this is a good day.
I am broken.
You are beautiful; you are precious... O' wonderful little gift from God.
You've shown me both that I am capable of a maturity I thought I might never have and that I am never in a place so high that I can't be brought back down to my former state or even worse.
I miss you...
I miss you.
I miss
you.
How am I expected to walk around missing my heart?
Today I just remember how I would sit and edit, wondering which ones you'd like best.
I'd open skype up and just show you all of them anyway...
I never let anyone else see everything I took unedited, you know that?
You got everything from me...
Everything.
I don't want to be callous. I don't want to be cold, but I hate sitting here like this in tears...
You were hands down the most beautiful thing I had ever held, and the burden I carried for you all those months made me stronger and more sturdy than ever.
I wake up lately, not sad, not happy... but something else.
I hate it, but it's either this or sadness again... like it is today.
... and this is a good day.
I am broken.
You are beautiful; you are precious... O' wonderful little gift from God.
You've shown me both that I am capable of a maturity I thought I might never have and that I am never in a place so high that I can't be brought back down to my former state or even worse.
I miss you...
I miss you.
I miss
you.
How am I expected to walk around missing my heart?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Please Come Home... < l3
Well I woke one morning,
found you staring down at me,
you said "I'll take my share now, father please",
and you took your money,
and you took your leave,
you drilled my heart and turned your back on me...
And you hit the town,
and you hit the bottle hard,
you race 'round in your fancy cars and you blow all your money,
on brothels, beds, and bars,
before you know your broken times get hard...
I still stand here waiting,
with my eyes fixed on the road,
and I fight back tears and I wonder,
if you're ever coming home,
don't you know son that I love you,
and I don't care where you've been,
so please come home.
And now you've hit bottom,
all those open doors have shut,
and you're hungry stomach's tied in knots,
but I know what you're thinking,
that you troubled me enough,
nothing could ever separate you from my love...
I still stand here waiting,
with my eyes fixed on the road,
and I fight back tears and I wonder,
if you're ever coming home,
don't you know son that I love you,
and I don't care where you've been,
yes and I'll be right here waiting,
'til you come around the bend,
and I run to you and hold you close,
won't let go again,
so please come home,
please come home...
Don't you know son that I love you?
And I don't care where you've been,
so please come home...
found you staring down at me,
you said "I'll take my share now, father please",
and you took your money,
and you took your leave,
you drilled my heart and turned your back on me...
And you hit the town,
and you hit the bottle hard,
you race 'round in your fancy cars and you blow all your money,
on brothels, beds, and bars,
before you know your broken times get hard...
I still stand here waiting,
with my eyes fixed on the road,
and I fight back tears and I wonder,
if you're ever coming home,
don't you know son that I love you,
and I don't care where you've been,
so please come home.
And now you've hit bottom,
all those open doors have shut,
and you're hungry stomach's tied in knots,
but I know what you're thinking,
that you troubled me enough,
nothing could ever separate you from my love...
I still stand here waiting,
with my eyes fixed on the road,
and I fight back tears and I wonder,
if you're ever coming home,
don't you know son that I love you,
and I don't care where you've been,
yes and I'll be right here waiting,
'til you come around the bend,
and I run to you and hold you close,
won't let go again,
so please come home,
please come home...
Don't you know son that I love you?
And I don't care where you've been,
so please come home...
Friday, April 9, 2010
Hey Soul Sister...
Your lipstick stains
On the front lobe of my left side brains.
I knew I wouldn't forget you,
And so I went and let you blow my mind.
Your sweet moonbeam,
The smell of you in every single dream I dream,
I knew when we collided,
You're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind.
Hey soul sister,
Ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey soul sister,
I don't want to miss a single thing you do...
Tonight.
Just in time,
I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me.
You gave my life direction,
A game show love connection, we can't deny.
I'm so obsessed,
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest.
I believe in you, "Like a Virgin," you're Madonna,
And I'm always gonna want to blow your mind.
Hey soul sister,
Ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey soul sister,
I don't want to miss a single thing you do...
Tonight.
The way you can cut a rug,
Watching you's the only drug I need.
You're so gangsta, I'm so thug,
You're the only one I'm dreaming of.
You see, I can be myself now finally,
In fact there's nothing I can't be.
I want the world to see you'll be with me.
Hey soul sister,
Ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey soul sister
I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight,
Hey soul sister,
I don't want to miss a single thing you do...
Tonight.
On the front lobe of my left side brains.
I knew I wouldn't forget you,
And so I went and let you blow my mind.
Your sweet moonbeam,
The smell of you in every single dream I dream,
I knew when we collided,
You're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind.
Hey soul sister,
Ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey soul sister,
I don't want to miss a single thing you do...
Tonight.
Just in time,
I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me.
You gave my life direction,
A game show love connection, we can't deny.
I'm so obsessed,
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest.
I believe in you, "Like a Virgin," you're Madonna,
And I'm always gonna want to blow your mind.
Hey soul sister,
Ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey soul sister,
I don't want to miss a single thing you do...
Tonight.
The way you can cut a rug,
Watching you's the only drug I need.
You're so gangsta, I'm so thug,
You're the only one I'm dreaming of.
You see, I can be myself now finally,
In fact there's nothing I can't be.
I want the world to see you'll be with me.
Hey soul sister,
Ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair you know.
Hey soul sister
I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight,
Hey soul sister,
I don't want to miss a single thing you do...
Tonight.
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