Please Come Home... < l3

Well I woke one morning,
found you staring down at me,
you said "I'll take my share now, father please",
and you took your money,
and you took your leave,
you drilled my heart and turned your back on me...

And you hit the town,
and you hit the bottle hard,
you race 'round in your fancy cars and you blow all your money,
on brothels, beds, and bars,
before you know your broken times get hard...

I still stand here waiting,
with my eyes fixed on the road,
and I fight back tears and I wonder,
if you're ever coming home,
don't you know son that I love you,
and I don't care where you've been,
so please come home.

And now you've hit bottom,
all those open doors have shut,
and you're hungry stomach's tied in knots,
but I know what you're thinking,
that you troubled me enough,
nothing could ever separate you from my love...

I still stand here waiting,
with my eyes fixed on the road,
and I fight back tears and I wonder,
if you're ever coming home,
don't you know son that I love you,
and I don't care where you've been,
yes and I'll be right here waiting,
'til you come around the bend,
and I run to you and hold you close,
won't let go again,
so please come home,
please come home...

Don't you know son that I love you?
And I don't care where you've been,
so please come home...

My chest is hurting now and again; I should probably get back to the doctor...
This has taken it's toll on my body, literally, I am weak. I'm hitting the gym, getting in shape, and I only feel weaker as the days pass. I'm slimmer, eating better, and I'm stronger, but again I am frail...
What are you thinking?
Am I really so off?
My judgement is not that bad, I'm sure of it. Your pattern is strong, prominent. I have a hard time ignoring this. Your reason shifts for the occasion, and I am left to wonder what is true...
They all seem like outs more than they seem like reasons. You look to be ashamed at what you have done and what you are doing. You said you'd love and embrace a higher standard in a relatiosnhip, in love... you said you loved me for pushing you to a better place, pushing you towards God, but at some point, Satan got a hold of your failures and you insecurities and he spoke to you. He lied to you. He came in from behind and slipped the blindfold over your eyes and told you that you'd be condemned. You didn't know where it came from, but he took the blinds off once you were facing my direction... and there I was... the object of your hurt, when in fact I've been the very opposite from the beginning. It doesn't take much logic to consider it silly for me to bring you closer to God only to rip you away from Him. You've never had to lie to me to earn my love. Never. So stop.
I love you; I forgive you.
I know it's easy to walk away with these circumstances because you can click a mouse or hit the little red "end" button.

I'm fallin' apart...

I guess truth is too much to ask for thee days.
I feel myself getting cold...
I find myself wanting to act absolutely foolishly and destructively...
God, keep me from ruin, old apathy, old mistrust and fear...
Have mercy... Give me grace...
Keep my heart from hardening in this time.

3 months later and look at where I am...
Shambles.

My love is still here.. strong and yearning.
I wonder though, has yours completely evaporated? So quickly? If so, how?

I had the worst dream to date this morning/last night...
I'm not even going to put it down and hope I forget the details.

The funny thing... once I get back to sleep, I have one of the most pleasant dreams of you. We were lying down in bed, and I was holding you. You were happy and playful. Smiling like you did before... loving on me and loving when I loved on you.
The weird thing was that your parents were in another bed in the same room. It was as if we were in a hotel room with two queens.

Anyway... there we laid and there we laughed quietly so as not to wake them... smiled and kissed.
I remember how amazing it felt to hold you again. My heart was warm and at rest, but your skin was warmer; it was softer.
Amazing.

God, I miss that smile...

Then, of course, I woke up...
This is quite the ride.