How do you overcome becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable?
Oh, Apathy.

I just had a dream that I found Karina Taylor...

Broken Glass

When you put your hands on some broken glass, you're always at risk.
I know this better than most, yeah. Does it stop me from trying to pick the pieces up? Never.
I knew what I was getting myself into, but I did not relent. I have been more careful, by far, this time around, but it is of no use really. This isn't just inanimate, impersonal brokenness; it is a living, breathing someone. You will be cut because they cannot help but, and other times the discomfort you cause them might have them cutting you with ignorance and, more importantly, unknowing intent.
I know this all too well. Does this knowledge ever redirect me? Never. Nope.
It only has apprehension accompany me as I delicately reach and gather all the little and big pieces that I can. It only delays what is inevitable.
I've written about this time and time again, and I wonder, what a great wonder, if this is merely an unhealthy inclination. For those who have not crossed wires like I have, is this desire among them as well? Am I seeking to play God? Am I seeking to merely control and play the savior? Do I only seek out the familiarity of an unhealthy someone who will time and time again break my heart to match their own? How much more must I learn of genuine agape love? Do my choices in regards to love themselves come together in the end to make love, or is love just love? I mean, if I make the right choices can it still be an invalid love? Is it faith and free will or is it all drawn out already?
What business do I have trying to clean up broken glass? I'll never be qualified. This is God's business, not mine. Who am I? Who do I think I am walking around with a broken heart, imperfect love, and an arrogant air... plagued by question amongst questions. Who am I?
I wonder further if I go on sitting in sadness each time and simply bouncing back. Do I have the capacity to fight off the cold weather inside of my chest? I ask if I can go on cutting myself along the sharp edges without becoming callous and hardened again. Can I avoid scarring and maintain a soft hand to handle and touch you?

I am sitting here, arms crossed, staring and wondering. "I wonder." That's a fitting response for the next person who asks how I'm doing or what's new in my life. I sit and I wonder wonder wonder. Are you ok? The next time you say you love me, should I ask, for my sake, that you not even say it because you are probably unable to live out such a statement at this point? Now, that's not to say that you never will be. In fact, I have great hope and faith that you will eventually. These days, that's saying a whole lot, the talk of faith and hope I mean. For the record, go ahead and say it anyway. It always sounds so sweet and I think you're headed in the right direction as of late.
I do wonder though if I should have any part in this restoration. Is it my place? Part of me would like to be, while the apathetic and selfish me would not. The part that would stand to sit and take the injuries along the way, I once again wonder what exactly motivates it. Is it proper selfless love or is it a crooked and dark desire for what is horribly familiar? I don't know, and it kills me not to know, not to understand.
It kills me, dear, to think of your precious glass being broken... the fondness of that breaking that even grew inside of you. It brings me great sadness and it incites anger and disgust. None of this is due to your personal fault, these circumstances, and none of it is directed at you, not by any means, not any little bit. This is the reason I continue to cut myself with these ruthless shards. I cannot stomach these thoughts for very long and to see the broken glass is a reminder. I want to put it all back together again more than I'd like to do anything else in this world. Don't hold back though, please don't. I count it such a privilege that you would share these accounts with me, that you would feel so comfortable as to willfully let me handle these beautiful broken and delicate pieces.
Do I really mean that though, about wanting it more than anything else? Honestly, there is no overnight shipping offered on your package of deliverance, but I won't rule out a miracle. Do I really want to see it more than anything? Am I truly patient as love is? Can I take the earth crumbling chance that it will never arrive because the sound of all the shattering glass has, to you, quieted that small still Voice?


I wish it wasn't raining outside, so I could go for a run or even just a walk. The sound of the rain doesn't help either. Typically it's a soothing sound for me. Tonight though, it is the trickling anxiety that I have for fear of your safety and clarity of judgement. Please don't break my heart two times over in one night. Please? Promise? Ok, I'll muster up whatever "hope" that I can. Back to the run or the walk: instead I'm confined to my bedroom and this silly little box of text. My thoughts are here with me just the same. They really don't have many places to go in such a tight spot. I hope I can sleep tonight.

I told you that you scare me, but I've never really told you why.
Well, my dear, here we are.

I really do love you, and I do hope that I can act it out properly for I would hate to see, in the end, that I too was just breaking the glass as I picked it all up for repair.

I am fearful, and my cowardice speaks clearly to me with great inflection. It's hard not to listen to what he has to say with all that confidence and bravado he carries. He's always been quite convincing, but for how long can I point my finger in his direction. All the while, I'm not fond of allowing circumstance the driver's seat. Personally, I'd like to maintain this push forward, always pushing the circumstance around to fit with my mindset, grinding and pummeling it until it fits a predetermined slot in my belief. Circumstance will not deter or determine my action, and I hope for you to come to the same place. I promise you, get here and I will back you. If you lose your footing, I will grab a firm hold of you. Besides, I need someone to do the same for me. God's here too... and He sure does miss you. He wants you to know that He'll never see you as anything less than His beautiful daughter. You are precious and priceless. Ironically, He's paid a price that covers the priceless. He's given His Son for His daughter, for you. Crimson red grace, mercy and LOVE covers every little blemish, my dear, if you'll have it... if you'll have Him. It will CHANGE you. It will make things new. It will cleanse you. I know I said red wasn't your color, but I'd love nothing more than for you to wear this red cloak for the rest of your life... every day... every minute and tick tock. I swear you would never look more beautiful, and you would never feel so beautiful in anything else. Strangely this sublime, deep dark red turns everything bright white as snow, and there you are standing covered in grace in God's presence.

I want to see you made whole again, sweetheart.
I want you to meet Jesus Christ...
He loves you like I never can, could, will or would. I swear to you He does, and you'll just have to press on despite the discomfort of His unrelenting grace and love. You'll have to go deeper no matter how unreal it seems, no matter what the broken glass tells you for fear of being broken again. You simply must, my dear.
I love you, I really do, but I cannot help you like my good Lord can...


He
loves
YOU.

Count on that one; it's absolute.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison while hoping the other person will die.

It's 4am...
I'm updating from my bed in San Francisco at the Westin.
I really don't feel like going home tomorrow.

Yes!

Matt coaxed me into making this ring light that I've been talking to him about, and this past weekend we just executed. I'm so stoked.
I'm freakin' stoked!!

Refocus...

I've got a head.
No hands.
No feet.
My eyes are ever open.
I never sleep.

Looking in the mirror,
I analyze myself.
Looking around,
I merely see everyone else.

I hate to rhyme,
So that is the end of that.

I do see.
I do observe.
I do think.
I do critique.
I do plan.
I do make up my mind.
I do formulate.
I do judge.
I do ponder.
I do consider.
I do make my map.
I can't walk,
Let alone run.
I can't pick anything up to build.
It's all theory and no practice.

I'm sick of it: malcontent.
F--k theory.
Let's work.

What is formal education anyway?
It's more a real life facebook anyway.
It's just a years-long cocktail party for networking anyway.
It's simply a nursery for more entry level droids anyway.
Anyway...

I think I'm at my wits end with it.
That is surprisingly ok by me.
That's what makes me who I am.
I believe I have found my drive.
I have found a new current.
I have found my own problem to solve.
That's it.
Atta boy.

Get to work.
Focus.
It's yours.

Life

My mind is relentless.
Everything tastes so sweet and sour.
It's room temperature.
Static.

Emotion is ever trying.
It induces misery misery misery.
I never really learned how to properly deal with all of this.
My wires were crossed from the beginning.
Who is torn between two like these?
Who is torn for the reasons I am?
Who finds this acceptable rather than appalling?

My emotional structure is faulty.
The pipes leak.
The lights flicker.
The foundation is a sand box.
There are rodents everywhere.
It's all wrong.

Can a man lose his salvation?
Can man's greatest efforts or lack thereof divide him from God's unimaginable grace?
What answer would best serve my life?
What answer would push me in the right direction?
Why am I here?
Why me?
Who am I?

I'm a mess.

I'm tired.

Happy Belated

This past week[end] was pretty great.

Wednesday: Happy Birthday! It started off terrible, being some 45 minutes late to work. Though, things brightened up when Sarah Lo gave me my gift. ;] It was just a gift card, but she knew exactly where to get it. Her High School Musical card and inside jokes put a smile on my face, and I really could never get enough hugs from that beautiful, beautiful girl... woman. She's got a special spot in my heart for definitely. Melissa and a few others went in on a gift card and some cupcakes for me, which was pretty neat, and Liz got me a Starbucks gift card and lunch. Awesome.
I'll only mention very briefly the headache I had later on, my exhaustion and the midterm I had to trudge through.

Thursday, Chelsea took me to Tito's and Venice Beach for my birthday--two firsts for me. The food was ok, but Venice was the better part of the little jaunt. I got to see/meet some interesting people. Cruisin' around, I spotted a watch that I'd really like. I'm definitely going back if I ever do have the cash. We also stopped at this hat place that sold sculptures made of spare metal objects as well with very many options in size. There were terminator and alien statues that cost about $20,000 a piece, but I opted simply for a small replica of Wall-E for about $30. It's pretty rad. Chelsea couldn't really hang any longer, so by the end of our walk up and down the beach, she was pretty much done. Good times.

Friday I had a little trip with my classmates to the Getty Villa in Malibu preceded by my first visit to Alondra Hot Wings. Good Lord, I have found a new favorite place to eat; I'm quite confident I will never tire of hot wings. The wings were fantastic and reasonably priced. Wing Stop? No thanks!
The Villa was a nice little experience, although I'll need another visit or two to really give a proper opinion on the whole place. The blazing heat was a downer.

Saturday night I had dinner with some great people: Fernie, Phil, Neal, Lorena, [Dylan], Lauren, Katina and Timmy. We hit Claim Jumper in Brea. It was a great meal and good conversation. I really appreciate little things like this since I wasn't really going to do anything at all to celebrate in the first place. I really do love what friends I do have. Really, I do. ;] I received a few gift cards and a pretty sweet t-shirt that I actually had to exchange because the fit wasn't quite what I was looking for. After dinner, I went to go see Where the Wild Things Are with Fernie, Phil, and James. I was disappointed here and there, and the theme was a pretty sad one. I kind of liked it though, being the nutty nostalgic person that I am.

Sunday night I had dinner with Matt and Pam in Long Beach. We went down to 2nd Street and Matt introduced me to Open Sesame. We ordered the party platter. Wow. Lots and lots of meat: beef this way and that, chicken here and there, and some delicious bit of lamb, all over a feathery bed of rice. It was great, and the company was nice too. I missed that guy; we were like brothers once, always in trouble or doing something that could have gotten us in trouble when we were young. ;] It's really cool to re-acquaint with one another, and it's been nice getting to know Pam too. They go really well together.
haha.. Matt brought up the time I stole my mom's Frizz-Ease because I liked how slow the fire traveled when it burned. Awesome memories... more nostalgia. ;]

It was a great birthday weekend for sure. ;] ;] ;]
Happy 23rd!

Number of Firsts Experienced: 5

I guess I'll try and get some sleep now. Good night. <3

Motivation

I have none today.
However, my midterm is still there for me.
What a way to celebrate your birthday.
I'm going to have a hell of a lot of fun this weekend starting tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sick of school.

What an off the wall phone call.
Good Lord...

I go from peacefully drifting away to a serene place of slumber...
roused by a lovely sweet scent, a precious faint sound...
now halfway tortured over a harsh reality that I can identify with more than I might ever let on.

Mercy, mercy... all over me. ;/

Old Friends

Good weekend...
Yesterday I had lunch with my family at the always amazing Woodranch Grill for both my brother's and my birthday [a little early for me and a little late for him].
Unfortunately, I didn't have the camera with me, so no one gets to see the pan seared salmon I had or the huge slab of prime rib my little brother ordered. Sorry about that. I will say though that although the ribeye they have there is wonderful, and perhaps my favorite, the prime rib was a little disappointing. I had a few bites off of my brother's plate; only the first bite I took was uncontested. It just seemed... plain? Bland? Unexciting? I can't quite pin it down, but it was definitely too cool for being prepared medium. I suppose it's difficult to cook a piece of meat that size consistently proper, but these guys are in the business of it. Maybe my expectations were too high. Either way, I'd still recommend anyone to visit one of their locations as all other food I've enjoyed there has been excellent, and the service is always exceptional. I also finally hooked up the xbox live. Needless to say, I burned a few hours yesterday afternoon.

Friday night was Ignite service as usual with Pastor Chop coming back in good form. His insight was severely missed, and I'm looking forward to what's in store.

Saturday afternoon my mother and I attended a birthday party for a friend of the family's son/grandson/nephew. I stuck around late and hung out with an old friend and his girl. It's been a long while since we've really hung out despite having been best friends for several years while growing up. It was a damn nice night after I got over being a little awkward at first. I missed that guy, and his girlfriend is pretty rad too.

It was a mighty fine weekend indeed. ;]

I am officially a freakin' a-hole/douche bag. ;/

Karina Taylor

You know, I have only ever had one friend that I could tell anything and everything without thinking twice.
No secrets.
No worries.
No insecurities.

She's been gone for a while, and it's times like these that I wish she never just disappeared. She didn't call; she didn't email. She's just been gone for several years now.
Every time I think about her, I cry.
I wish she'd find me again.
I wish I'd get one of those short, random, ridiculous emails with the silly MSN emoticons from her like it's no big deal that she's been out of my life for a few years. It's just matter of fact, you know.

I don't know if she realized how much I loved her... how much I still do.
[It's the same if you were wondering, Karina. <3]
I could really go for a talk with you right now.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.

I know I don't have the faith I used to, but God, if she's still around, send her my way please. I don't often say I need something, but it sure feels like I need this. I'm dying.

You got too close.
You really did it this time. ;/
Way to go, jackass.

Fair to Say...

... that I am exhausted.

Silent Circumstance

Here is another one of those.
Those broken ones.
Used.
Cover it up with smiles, laughter, and more of the same.
No forward hatred of the world.
You'd never guess it happened,
But I would.
It's no surprise.
It's hearing old news for the first time.
The foundation was laid.
The platform was set.
Chapter one.
Chapter two.
Chapter three.
Chapter four.
I've lost my place.
Will this story end?
Please say it will.
It must.
It will start again.
It will start again.
It will start again.
It may never end.

Please say that it will.
Please God, say that it will end.

Existence

This hollow feeling,
The knowledge that you exist
amidst your insecurities.
Cover up only to coward out,
And never shutting up,
only to never speak aloud.
Have you dried up entirely?
The walls of a church don't make it holy.
It's what is authentic that completes the sum of its parts.

Don't excuse yourself from life today
On the pretense of your past.
You're hurt.
You're broken.
That's alright.
This might be what it takes to wake you up.

Are you at your wits end yet?
Are you at your wits end yet?

Are you at your wits end yet?

The walls of a church don't make it holy.
Security isn't glitzy or glamorous,
Concrete or cohesive.
Therein lies the truth.
Lift your head up high.

It's what we know we aren't,
That makes us who we are.
You are hurt.
You are broken.
That's alright.
That makes us who we are.

Click on Me

I wish you could post larger photos on this stupid blog.
That is it's greatest downfall, and indeed it is a great downfall.
You can always click on the picture if you'd like to see it bigger, but I know, for some, that might be asking too much.

Either way...

Commitment

This made my day.

We're off to The Clubhouse for lunch.
Hopefully I get back soon so I can meet up w James and Mike for a showing of Inglorious Basterds. I'm a big fan of Tarantino.

Penelope [Penny]

She's already got a nickname.
I was a little unsure when I first got her, but I'm realizing now that I couldn't be happier that she's mine. When I'm shooting with her, I'm in this completely different zone, and I've gotten better. I'm not only talking about working with her, but also becoming a better photographer as a whole. She makes me take my time and consider everything in the shot. She's square and keeps the format simple for me like that.
I love it.

Maggiano's

I took mom, along with my little brother, to Maggiano's this past weekend for her 42nd birthday. This was our fantastic dessert.

I really do mean fantastic, and that means a lot coming from me since I'm not a dessert person.

Observatory Love II

I'll see you around, Anuar

Man...
Another school year gone by, and another couple of students I may never see again have moved on. This year is a little different.
My first year working at Mayfair was rad. I picked up the coolest little side kick named John. He had the stature of a 7 year old and the voice of a lion. He had all the cutest girls on campus looking for him and greeting him at all times and he was just tons of fun to work with. He left, and it was a drag, but it was only one year we had together.
Last year, I lost Alex and that was a drag too. I loved working with him, having to wake him up each and every morning as he was nodding off, and giving him a hard time about being such a neat freak. He was awesome and I'll miss him for sure.
This year? Jesus...
This is my buddy Anuar, going three years strong. Like every person, special needs or not, he had his days of being a real hassle and boy he knew how to work it. This guy, man... this guy. This was like my freakin BUDDY!!
lol.. I'm like really getting bummed out about not getting to work with this guy anymore. He helped me out so much and I swear, I'd hang out with this kid if I could in my free time because he's just one of those kids that sucks you right in and you just have to love him. He's a total goofball and fellow poke'mon trainer. He's a guys guy... eatin' hot chile peppers to impress the other guys at the table and always down to wrestle and get into all kinds of horseplay. He's Harry Potter, Zorro AND the incredible hulk.

He's Anuar... He's my pal.
I hope to see him around.
We had a hell of a lot of fun.
I love ya, dude. ;]

Back to work in the morning..
I've been having some interesting conversations with Richard and Chop. Man, I hate responsibility, especially when it comes to these kinds of things. I don't want to be that person... that man. This is such a heavy load, but no one else wants to carry it.
Maybe no one else is supposed to carry it.
Aye..

"Sometimes a man can meet his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."

Today I met Fred in Kickboxing class.
Fred made me feel small which is telling of his size. lol
He gave me a great tip and if all goes well, this tip is going to spill over into everything.

You must commit.
You're gonna get hit; everyone does.
You just have to commit.
You have to keep fighting.

Blaine Bartel is coming around this weekend; it's going to be rad.

It's 2:41..
I just woke up..
I check my phone..
Jennifer called me twice and left me text messages.

lol.. Wow.
Jennifer...
Wow.

I'm looking through pictures... moving stuff over to my second drive to speed things up.

A lot has changed in 2 years time. A lot.
It's a bummer to see what my circle of close friends has dwindled to. It was once some kind of mob, but now it's a bunch of scattered cliques and small groups. People got married and people just went away. It's pretty crazy.
I haven't mentioned it here, but last year I may as well have lost two of my closest and most beloved friends. These are people that I loved tremendously, and in fact, I still do. It's just not the same when you don't see each other very much.
I saw Joey recently, who I've known and been friends with since 3rd grade, and it was pretty awkward.
Bobby got married apparently.

It's all just nuts.

I wonder what 2 more years might bring.


On a bright note, I got to see Joysette at work yesterday. She was on campus (someone told me she was in the front office so I booked it up there) and I had to squeeze the life out of her. I gave her like 4 hugs before she left. It was soooo awesome to see her. I think it made my week. ;]

Here's to getting organized this summer.
I'm going to SD for a couple of days on the 21st.
Last day of work for the regular school year is on Wednesday. ;] ;]
I should probably look for another job.

I'm so bummed out right now.
I know there are more important things in life, but man, I can't believe Josh is leaving AON. I'm genuinely sad about it.
They were chugging full steam ahead... signed.. two tours up the west coast and across the country.. beautifully mastered EP dropping in the next few weeks.. and then bam. Josh is done. I hope this is really what God wants for him. If it's not, then wow. I'll know first hand why all The Beatles' fans hate Yoko Ono if this is BS.
I pray this is legit.
I hope we're all wrong.

;[ ;[ ;[ ;[ ;[

I will begin my MMA training this coming week.
Jiu Jitsu and Kickboxing.
I'm so pumped. PUMPED.

I got a new computer. ;] and ;[
I wanted to get a MAC next year, and now that's probably not going to happen.

Ok, back to what I was doing...

She Smells So Wonderful..

Yeah, I cook...

Weekend Update

hah.. I submitted that last entry at about 11:59. Mr. Hsiao is going to get a chuckle out of that one.

Anyway, it's been quite a while since I've done up a personal entry. What a shame, seeing as I've pretty much abandoned my livejournal for this new fancy schmancy blog.

Life has settled down after those few hectic weeks. Here's a short recap:
-Mom gets sick while she's off on a business trip and hits the emergency room the day she gets home with 8 gallstones stopping up her bile duct. She has them removed, gets a stent put in, is released, and has a couple days of rest. She's told to return in about 30 days to have her gallbladder removed.
-Grandma has a severe aneurysm and is hospitalized for about a week before she is taken off of life support and passes.
-Right after Grandma's services and all that crazy family stuff that goes along with it, mom has to go back to the ER. Her stent is nowhere to be found and she's all backed up with stones again. During a 5 or 6 day stay in the hospital she hasa repeat procedure to remove the stones and her galbladder is is removed. Her surgeon says it's one of the worst he's ever seen, but he didn't have to do general surgery [the big incision that requires a 6-week healing time] and she gets to go home 2 days later.
-Drama goes on with my family and my grandmother's residence. My nino and my aunt have borrowed money [a couple thousand] to take care of my grandma's services and decided to liqiuidate all of my grandma's possessions that they possibly could to help pay off this loan. Another uncle and hiswife kind of raided her house before anyone else did, even though we were all supposed to do it together. My dad also went through her stuff to sell as he is really tight for cash now that he has to make the last few payments on my grandma's car. This is just the tip of the iceberg, really, when it comes to this little bullet point but I could go on for hours and I really don't like to do that.

I think I might start another entry.. we'll call this one an update.

Raul Moreno
English 100
Cerritos College
Post:17

How to Tame a Wild Tongue

This was a pretty interesting read for me being hispanic. I've grown up speaking standard English while hearing a few of the other dialects mentioned by the author thanks to my "chicano" family. I can't say I agree totally with the author when it comes to some of her ideas about the evil white man, though I do understand her sentiments about a masculine, biased Spanish language. My grandmother's primary language was Spanish, but was very tenacious about my not speaking Spanish as a child and I can't say that I'm angry or resentful for that. Her efforts to start my English speaking early and rigorously have led to my present eloquence that reared its head even as I was a young child. I do admit, I'd have loved to know more about my culture and even taught the spanish language as a child, when it would have been easier to learn but the way I was brought up had many benefits that are ever present for me.

Shout Out

So I guess the AP group let me in.
Good time at The Getty; better time on the way up there!

Raul Moreno
English 100
Cerritos College
Post: 15?

Recitatif

The story takes place at St. Bonny's shelter, where the two main characters Twyla and Roberta are taken after their mothers are deemed incapable of taking proper care of their children for differing reasons. The story goes back and forth, hinting with stereotypes but never answering the greatest question of who is white and who is black? The two girls bond together at the shelter, cross paths several times later on in life having both good and sour exchanges including a scene of the civil rights movement-the integration of public schools-that took place in the 60's, and eventually a sort of reconciliation and reminiscene of the beginning. In the end, they come back to the shelter and the idea of "Bozo".

I'm looking forward to the debate this afternoon; it's going to get really interesting for sure. ;]

Raul Moreno
English 100
Cerritos College
Post: 14

Status Anxiety

Status Anxiety speaks of what a society uses as a measure for an individual's worth,class, character and so on. In a nutshell, these subjects are the framework for the canons which any given society generally implements in determining their attitude and ideas towards another individual. These are the elements discussed: religion, physical appearance, gender, temperament, skills, accent, skin color, and ancestry. It also tells of the connection "we" as humans make between who has the biggest toys and what character traits we might subconsciously or consciously conclude the individual needed and/or carries to obtain such a treasure. Further in, we're encouraged to consider the vastness of the world and even the universe to with the purpose of dwarfing the social or status anxieties that trouble in this life.

I saw a lot of MSFM in this one as well as the book of Ecclesiastes found in the Bible. I think equally in congruence you'll also find some essence of AOTC in regards to why we focus on such finite and truly unsatisfying things as mentioned in (8).

I'll stop there so I've got something fresh for class discussion today. ;]

-Raul

Raul Moreno Jr
English 100
Cerritos College
Post: 13

Going to Meet the Man

Man, what a provoking text! I really wish we could have talked more about this in class, and I would have loved to really get into the psychology part discussing Freud and the oedipus complex. The first extravangant event of the brutal killing of the runaway slave brought about the convergence of racism, rancorous violence, and Jesse's sexuality. He became aroused at the mention of old slaves who he had raped and in other acts of violence against other colored people. All of this is hinted by the language used when describing the way he looked at his mother, and even the describing of the slave's body as both the most beautiful and terrifying things he'd ever seen. Man, there was just so much to talk about with this and the subject of emasculation, but I know it might be a little graphic to really get deep in discussion during class.

I don't know if I'm allowed to post this on the blogspot for class since this isn't my band, but I wanted to share here at least.

These are my boys from up north; they make up a sick band by the name ALLorNOTHING.
Have a look at this little video they've put together from the road and check out their myspace page HERE and have a listen to one of their new songs they just put up. They've got a full length record coming out very very soon that's already gone through the mixing process and I've taken a bunch of their shots-live and promo-that you'll find on their photos page.

$1.50

I'm pretty stoked about this one here...

I couldn't leave a comment on the class page so here it is for now...

Raul Moreno Jr
English 100
Cerritos College
Post:12

Separation-Encounter-Return

For me, this I read this as a run down of Christianity and its teachings. It spoke of the details of different levels or revelations in one's spiritual walk with Christ. Paragraph 10 is where we get deep: "True wisdom looks amazingly like naive, silly, and even dangerous simplicity.(10)"Read the book of Proverbs, written in most part by the second wisest man to have ever walked the earth, King Solomon, and you'll immediately begin to refute his absolutely profound wisdom with your current circumstance, making a note of how circumstances simply cannot be ignored and overlooked. We've come to despise wisdom as a whole because of the pain it causes us just as Plato mentioned in AOTC.
Holding the most meaning in this paragraph, Rohr talks of the worst things we can do to someone like Jesus Christ and the greatest is to worship Him. In Christianity we are created to worship God so this seems nonsensical. What the author is stating holds great truth though because when we worship, we might distance ourselves from out Maker. Surely, God is Holy and He is to be revered but the idea and purpose of Christ coming was for God to re-establish a lost connection. Christ was sent to get personal and relate with us on a level that the Holy Father could not and if we are not careful to keep a personal relationship with Christ and instead view Him as only Holy, we might so foolishly distance ourselves with the mindset of never being able to enter through the gate that is Jesus Christ into the presence of God the Father.

What's in the mail..

- The Message [Remix] Bible
- After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays in the 90's
- Box Car Racer CD
- Lot of 8 double packs of Polaroid Spectra Film [160 shots]
- Lot of 2 double packs of more Polaroid film [40 shots]
- One single double pack of expired Polaroid Film [20 shots]

.. and I might just buy myself a new Pentacon Six [camera] while it's available and before the price goes up.
I'm not spending my money wisely. ;/

Romance?

I tend to be a "hard ass" when it comes to relationships. I tell others, without much thought, to break it off with their partners when all they do is complain about them.

I'm the biggest closet romantic, and my head spins and my heart melts for a certain type of girl. I love a girl who is distraught, broken, abused, ruined, self destructive, and so on...

They're terrible for me, I know, for more than one reason but I don't give lots of thought to it once I've been sucked in. I've come a long way since I was a teenager and couldn't control myself, but still I have some things to finish off. I'm not so sure this emotional/psychological/spiritual thing I have for said girls will ever be completely absent. I'm not sure that it's absolutely bad or absolutely good, but instead some kind of muddled empathy or longing. This longing may simply be for something familiar and comfortable. Growing up in the broken home that I did, maybe this brokenness is what my nature has come to familiarize and find comfort in. Girls do it in this way; I don't think it's too crazy to say it's possible for a guy as well.

I always wanted to save these damsels in distress growing up. I painted myself out to be their knight in shining armor and always imagined that if I could only get them to see how they should be properly loved then they would turn. They would magically find their God-given self worth in the love that I provided them and we'd live happily ever after. It took some time to come to the realization that this sort of fairy tale is exactly that--a fairy tale. This truth is something I find exceptionally difficult to accept and adapt to, but I do my best. As there are with any category of people, so there are the exceptions in this instance. Unfortunately, they are few and far between.

Sometimes tears well up behind my eyes while my chest grows heavy and my throat closes a little. I am at a loss for words and actions.


Let's get back to earth; take a deep breath.

Sup girl?!

... that's right. ;]
haha

My grandmother's service went smooth, though I really am sick and tired of having to sit through a whole rosary every time someone passes in that family of mine.
I have such a hard time dealing with my dad's side of the family with the exception of my Nino and his family. Why can't they all follow his lead?
I really would love to rough up one of my cousins, the way he's treating his girlfriend and his 3 kids. It's absolutely disgusting.

I'm kind of exhausted.
MOT in the morning.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

I'm kind of pissed off about my uncle raiding my grandma's house for all of her pictures and and then looking for jewelry. I was pretty sure we all agreed we'd go through everything together. What the hell is that about?
I hope my aunt doesn't make a mess of my grandma's picture boards... more importanly, I hope she doesn't ruin any of the original images with tape or staples or tacks. This is absolutely ridiculous.
I should have gone over and collected on Monday like I originally planned.

Look at Maggie; she's so cute.

Grandma Ofelia

Yesterday, after a full 24 hours of struggled breathing on her own, my grandmother passed.
I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore; I'm glad she is allowed a more permanent rest now. She was 64 and died from the damage of a severe aneurysm/intracranial hemorrhage.
I'm praying my family is comforted, especially my little brother. There are some good things that will come of this, I know. Already, the decision has been made that my dad will be moving out to Palmdale with my uncle [his older brother] and his family. This is probably my greatest relief because I know my dad will do much better away from here. He was a huge drug addict who has sobered up in the past several years, but I know he screws around a little now and again. The removal of him from his familiar neighborhood will help in keeping him completely clean and straight. Maybe he can get a job out there and even get his own place seeing as it is so much less expensive to live out there. That would be fantastic. We just need to get him to quit smoking and get some medical attention for his paralyzed arm so he can be more healthy and comfortable.

Anyway, yeah..
Grandma's going to be missed, but I couldn't really feel good about keeping her here with the quality of life she would have been afforded. I'm glad she's getting herself some real rest now.
It's life and it can happen to anyone at any time. It does not matter if one is five years old or 85 years old. We are all human and we all live life. If we lose someone we are close to, let us be grateful that we have been allowed that time, those good memories and experiences, and give thanks to God that we're still breathing and capable of sharing those memories with others.
Soemeone's always got worse, and you're never alone in your circumstance.

Time to go mimis, Grandma. ;]
I'll miss you.

I only have a minute, so I'll make this one short.
Grandma Ofie had an aneurysm yesterday morning. There's intracranial bleeding going on, so it's just wait and see for now. She may live; she may not. We're going back to the hospital to visit in a minute.
If you pray, say one for her. I'm praying for healing and/or comfort for my family. I'm not broken to pieces about the situation, but I can't tell if it's because this isn't such a big surprise or because I'm still a bit apathetic.
Also, maybe it hasn't hit me.

Raul Moreno Jr
English 100
Cerritos College
Post #6 [I think]

Moths

The author writes very descriptively, using lively adjectives or comparisons and giving lengthy details to the scenes in which the story plays out. Paragraph 13 stands out to me, in which she goes into a poetic, unconventional description of the sun setting with great eloquence. In the following paragraph, she further gives your mind a picture painted by words. Where other writers might leave room for the imagination to view or not to view the scene of the young lady bathing her "abuelita", the author leaves nothing of the sort. She does not show, but forces you too look upon the scene with an explanation involving "sporadic vaginal hairs" and "the fold of her buttock." The descriptions are real; they are raw.
I found it interesting to find the young girl stating two times, with no regard to the present theme and almost randomly, "I never kissed her." It seems as though she, looking back, now regrets the fact that she never kissed her abuelita. It eats at her to such a point that she will randomly insert this little bit of thinking out loud that is ever present. She makes mention of her abuelita's staring grey eye bringing to her a feeling of comfort and safety. She also speaks of Abuelita, being there with her through some of her hardest times, helping her along during puberty. Her abuelita also helped her with her hands--her greatest insecurity. After Abuelita had done this, the young lady had only seen it fit to help her grandmother with anything and everything that was needed, though she had never kissed her.

Mom just got out of the hospital on Saturday because she had 6 gallstones blocking up her bile duct, so that's where I was when I wasn't at work for the past couple of days.

This morning my dad called and says that he found my grandma on the floor when he woke up; he thinks she had a stroke.

Wow. Things could always be worse, right?

Pride

This is going to sound egotistical and dogmatic, but I really must say that sarcasm in some sense is a form of art that requires, at least, some halfway intelligent thought. The greatest of sarcasm requires good wit and quickness right along with excellent delivery.
I know this girl who rants and raves about how sarcastic she is; she thinks it's all outrageously hilarious as well, but she makes me clench my teeth every time she attempts sarcasm because it's absolutely obnoxious and completely devoid of any tact. There's no thought and it's the most obvious, expected bit of words.
Maybe my ideas of sarcasm's purpose aren't what everyone else thinks they are. Personally, I love to be surprised and amused even if it is, unfortunately at the time, at the expense of someone else. I can laugh at myself, and in my perfect world everyone else would be able to do the same with such thick skin as mine. It's not the case though.
I've always thought sarcasm just goes hand in hand with intelligence. Maybe that's just my proud, idealistic thought. Who knows?

Goodnight

I'm exhausted. I didn't sleep at all last night and I slept through my Architecture lecture along with half of the Geometry lecture that I was in class for. Maybe these things just relax me; that must be the case.
I'm going to catch up on some sleep now. God willing, I won't wake up late for work.
I'll be posting old pictures as well since I'm almost posititve that anyone who comes across this blog is not going to be familiar with my photo work.
In fact, here's two for you with great contrast in mood and subject.

Take Off Please

Damn, I feel like getting on a plane and taking off.. sleeping the whole way there.
A random place would be awesome right now; don't tell me where I'm going, just take me somewhere. If you could provide a nice warm and cute cuddle buddy as well, I'd be forever grateful.

Dun Dun Dun

First post; first thoughts:

Yet another site to keep up with because, you know, the internet doesn't ruin my efforts to get better at managing my time as it is.
Hey, at least I have another place to post my pictures.
I need to get some rest; this semester is going to be rough.