hefoundmee:
I miss waking up and seeing you in the middle of the night and kissing your lips and telling you that I love you.

110 Pounds

Remember when you said I had soft feet? lol
That was a first for me.
Just as you loved the lines in my forehead, I loved the lines in your cheeks when you smiled...
smile big, smile awkward, smile embarrassed, just smile; I loved every little line and crease.

I remember going through security on my way home, after sitting around for a few hours... hoping you could make it back, but your mom's house was locked. It didn't happen. As I was having my bag rifled through just before getting into the terminal, the ladies asked about what I was doing in Atlanta... We were there for a few minutes, so I got to share a lot about you. They thought it was all pretty sweet... noted about how nice Savannah was in agreement... wished me a whole bunch of luck with some warm smiles, and I remember how proud I was to call you mine. I remember how excited I was to tell others about you and how much I loved you... how much you meant to me - I had the world, remember? So did you...

It's wild, it is, the way things were and the way things are... It still blows my mind. It befuddles me, and that leaves me exhausted like nothing else does...

I was one more thought away from breaking down in a public restaurant in front of my little brother at dinner tonight.
It's gotten to the point, once again, where my shoulders physically ache...

Break Time

I just feel sick today.

First day of summer school went well. I do miss having Sarah in the classroom. I'll be terribly bummed out if she doesn't make it back next year. ;/ Joysette's already planned a lunch date so we can all see her and hear about her NY trip.

I'm sitting here trying to finish editing this book for this friend of mine, and oh my... my head's going to explode. He wrote this last chapter at 3 or 4 in the morning, and it really shows. I guess this is my idea of a break, sitting here adding an entry to my ridiculous blog that no one reads. That's always been the point anyway. It's more for me than anyone or anything else, and it has been a great little something to help my relief in the very recent past and present.

I miss you - just throwing that in there for my own sake.

I've planned my next break already. Mom's out of town, so I'm taking Ben out to Outback Steakhouse and having a large, kosher piece of meat for dinner. It should be great.

It's too bad I feel like crying right now. heh

Makenna's quick photoshoot the other day was nice; I can't wait to finish this book edit, so I can do something relaxing, editing photos.

Maybe I just need a nap...
I could sure use some prayer.
Love is the best fix for these times, but you've got no more of that for me, do you?
Have you ever had it for anyone? I mean, in the proper way?
Cheap shot, I know, but...
I don't want to practice self control for these few minutes, even though I still am to some great extent... each and every day.

I pray for your children often.
God bless you with His grace, and God change your broken and abused heart.
God change that deceived mind...

Love, grace, and truth... we need them All.

2 Corinthians 5:11-21

I wish you could have been here tonight...
God's word was lovely; it is lovely.
You've been robbed blind, I see, but please please, if you would... just wrap your mind around this:
You have an identity...
You have great great value...
Reconciliation is ours...

all of these wonderful things come by Christ alone, but you must embrace Him...
Stop believing the lies.
Sure, your eyes are open, but what's the use if you've got a blindfold on?

He misses you...
He loves you, all of you, yeah, you...

April '10

Yeah, You from Raul Moreno on Vimeo.

I love you.
Yeah, you.
You know Who I Am.
I Am.
You know you’ve done some things that you aren’t proud of; you’ve done some things you are quite ashamed of. These are things you’ll take to the grave, you’ll never share with anyone but Me…
… because really, an imperfect human could never have the capacity to not pass judgement, to not flinch, to not cringe, to not (even if it is very deep down) be a little disgusted by you and what you’ve got hidden in these bags that you carry around. Right? It’s not possible.
But it is…
It is.
My perfect love does not change when it passes through an individual, imperfections considered.
I love you, and I am not disgusted by you. I love you.
You’ve had this notion that you had to clean yourself up before you came into my presence. You had to straighten up before you could be honest about your life’s condition with a friend or a loved one.
Maybe even with yourself... but that’s all backwards. That’s not the way it works.
Clean YOURSELF up all you can, and it’s all filthy rags at my feet. Leave the cleaning job to me. I will stain you crimson with love and you will come out of the wash a bright white so pure like you or Billy Mays never could imagine… and I guess that’s the issue. You can’t comprehend this love, this grace, and so you refuse refuse refuse to accept it. Sure, it’s easy to “accept” it… but really, you’ve been marred in such a way that it is, in your mind and your experience, impossible for someone or the The One to love you in such a way. I’ve forgiven you, they’ve forgiven you… seven times over, but like I said, that’s not the end of things. It’s more like seventy times seven before you’re overdrawn… but that was just a meager figure of speech to wrap your little mind around since the vastness of my love and forgiveness is without measure. So forgive YOURSELF.
My love…
It is patient, kind, without jealousy. It doesn’t brag; it’s not cocky. It doesn’t keep tally on wrongdoing. It’s not into the bad things, but shouts hallelujah at TRUTH. It bears all, believes all, hopes all… and endured EVERY thing.
IT DOES NOT FAIL.
This sin. This sin that you place before yourself when you are before me. - you toss this bag down like it’s a border, like I can’t pass. My love and my grace whether directly from me or through a loved one, cannot pass across this bag named dishonesty and shame. At least that’s what you think. If you’d stop, focus on my grace, focus on Me… for just a second, you’ll notice that the bags have gotten very light. They’re empty. There’s nothing there, nothing to stand before me while I am before you. It’s all a bunch of nothingness. Futile effort. What’s the point?
No, you’re not deserving, but that’s just it. That’s what makes my love different. You might ask why and how, but those are rhetorical questions… only there’s no assumed answer. If for nothing else, I simply love you because you need it. That’s it. Its mind boggling simplicity does just that – it leaves your understanding in shambles and distress. There is all this anxiety. As long as you are human, you will not understand.
My love… It brings this serene chaos.
It gently obliterates.
It lovingly asphyxiates… THIS SIN.
So stop. Know.
I Am.
You are beautiful.
You are precious.
I will fight for you.
I love you, yeah you.

Can't Say I like the Song, but...

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And now when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did... not.

I remember walking around in the middle of the night... 30 something, 40 something degrees... wearing a pair of gym shorts just for a bottle of apple juice. I think I was more satisfied with just getting it for you than you were to quench your thirst. You slept so peacefully, and you looked so beautiful when I got back...

I remember sitting in the comfy chair while you slept, eating leftover wings from Sticky Fingers quietly so I wouldn't wake you. You looked beautiful then as well...

I'm sorry I didn't wake up the one night and move over... I'm sorry.